Get all 10 Amanda Rose Riley releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Broken Heart, Coming Home, The Fine Print, March On, Better, A Storage Auction in the Form of an Album (Quarantine 2020!), Millennials Are Going Gray, Salty Dog Songs, and 2 more.
1. |
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You went away again today
But like a boomerang you're always back in time
Why does it make me cry when I ask myself why
Today there was real love and laughter in our house
It's better when you're not around
Stop telling me what I've done wrong
And stop yelling
So we can call it a day, we can call it a day
Or just call it
Today I sung a song and I gave love where it belonged
Though the thought of you stuck in the back of my head
Why are you only there on the days when I can't seem to care?
Today I can say that I am proud of who I am
I'm better when you're not around
Let's just call it
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2. |
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Sometimes it seems you've got nowhere to be
But then two days pass by, you got no time for me
I gotta know where I stand! I gotta know where I stand!
The first day we met, I may as well have not even been there
But as time went by, I really thought you'd started to care
But you're not worth my pain, I wasn't worth a breath
I wouldn't want to watch you strain, I'm not that desperate yet
This is where you stand, I can't read your mind
I'm letting go of our plans, I'm leaving you behind
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3. |
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The penultimate chapter of Catch-22
Never fails to make me sick to my stomach
I feel ashamed of my laughter still reverberating somewhere in the air
What's funny about any of this?
And I think about you every existential crisis
Which is a lot when you're a 20-something nowadays
And every time I think of you, an existential crisis
Remember when we were just a pair of bored avid readers
With only a single book in common?
We would just pass the time bonding over struggles and dreams
And chatting casually about Catch-22
And we got philosophical as avid readers do
I said can something so fragile really mean much?
And I found it so strangely brilliant when you said "that's all that ever does"
And I think about it every time I read one of your posts
Which is a lot when you're a human being nowadays
And I wonder if all your old philosophy is really lost
And we got philosophical as avid readers do
But I guess that things change and settle down
It was so strangely brilliant when Shakespeare said that ripeness is all
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4. |
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Well maybe it's the alcohol that soothed my brain
It wasn't any normal kind of pain
My lip's on your hook like a helpless fish
Though sometimes I can't feel it if I'm perfectly still
I could see myself getting away, but not unscathed
And I know that tomorrow it won't have gone away
Not without the injuries I can't help but sustain
But I want to feel free again for just this one day
And it's not like it's love, it's not like it's love
And just for tonight, just for tonight I am okay...
But tomorrow the problem still remains unsolved
And I know you hold the power and don't care at all
And I will let you take this chunk of hooked flesh
If it means I can go home, and I can hold onto the rest
PC: And if you really didn't intend to kill a fish
Then why did you buy a line and cast it down like this?
When all along your leftovers were waiting in your fridge
Picked me up and let me go, and squandered all I had to give
It's not like you'll ever love me
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5. |
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You've got things once you want things
No one will ever compare to you
You were amazing, you were crazy
The first moment I saw you I knew
Tell me now, who do you want me to be?
Do you know how much I need you?
How can I make you see
That I'd do anything for you, I'd be anyone you need
You're the person I've been searching for
And I can't let you leave
Time has come, I've decided and I think you'll agree
Do you think that love should be so tedious?
I'd plant myself in your corner for free
I'd do anything for you, I'd be anyone you need
You're the person I've been searching for
And I can't let you leave
So follow me, come with me, with me
I'll never, ever give you one regret
And arm in arm, let's conquer the world
I'm the truest match that you've ever met
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6. |
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Before there was you
I never really knew how hard I could fall
Just standing in the corner, watching you as you talked
But since there was you
I never really wanted anyone else
But you've never looked at me that way
It's making me hate myself
But I'm not gonna break
My joy was not yours to take
I can be strong, soon I'll move on
Please leave me be
Right now I really just need to find some peace
But that can never happen
While you keep impeding my release
Now you need to go
Right now it's healthiest to leave me on my own
And don't worry that you hurt me
'Cause real love is something I've never known
But I'm not gonna break
My joy was not yours to take
I can be strong, I'm moving on
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7. |
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Life was like a carnival from the day that we met
And I guess in that sense we made the perfect pair
Anything material I wanted you'd get
But it wasn't long before I wanted things that weren't there
I followed you through all the strife
You held the power, for years of my life
But you're not the person I hoped you'd be
You never cared about me, but I always loved you
I always loved you
After all these years I think it's time we told the truth
For me you would never sacrifice one single thing
But you know I would give up anything I had for you
And sometimes this asymmetry, oh God, it sometimes stings
I don't want anything serious, we both said
And I meant it at the time
All the while my hopes for us went up in castles in my head
And now I never want to leave your side
And so I've gotta let you go
In favor of someone who'll cherish me too
I'm kicking myself, how could I have been so wrong
As to think that could be you
I always loved you
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8. |
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I made this just for you
It's finally ready so what do you think?
Go easy on me please
I've been working on this for months
Or I guess now it's been years
How quickly the time has passed
From the moment your inviting smile
Sunk its teeth into my skin I never stop thinking
Of repairing that one tiny broken part
That no one else ever seems to notice
But it's something that I just can't unsee
And I believe in my solution because
I've succeeded in little spurts in making you forget
I've seen the pain flicker and momentarily fade
Around me you never have to pretend
We both know that I can help you
And yeah, I know, 'cause it's pretty clear
I'm not quite what you've been searching for
And yes this is a lot of time and effort
You'll soon be free to crumple and toss in your fire
But it's something that I just couldn't help but do
And I'd be lying if I said I didn't aspire
To be thanked with all the affection that you have to give
But if I can only catch a single momentary flash
Of unaffected happiness in your eyes
Then it will all be worth it
I made this just for you
It's finally ready so what do you think?
Go easy on me please
I've been working on this for months
Or I guess now it's been years
How quickly the time has passed
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9. |
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Another meeting, I know they can tell I don't belong
This suit feels stiff and it looks somehow wrong
I talk but I don't really know what I mean
And my mouth is dry and my voice is weak
And the second someone doubts me I just completely fold
And all this seems to be outside of my control
I'll never be any good at this pretending
This is what impostor syndrome looks like
So much discomfort but you keep up the act
Because we all need a way to make money
And make believe that our lives are on track
Another meeting I know they can tell I don't belong
And to tell you the truth I think that they're wrong
When they say that we make a difference in a positive way
And I no longer agree with or mean what I say
The fire that I used to share with them has died
This is not the happy thing that makes me come alive
I'll never be any good at this pretending
And so as soon as this meeting is dismissed
I'm telling them the reasons why I know I've gotta quit
I'll say I want to be somewhere where everything feels right
I'm working out my new plan and it takes effect tonight
I'm gonna follow the dreams where they take me.
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10. |
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I can't keep living
From weekend to weekend
And when it's gone again, I feel alone again
I'm not gonna live forever, no I'm not gonna live forever
It's time to feel my own feet touch the ground
To see what my own shadow looks like
It's time to stop dragging these ideals around
It's time to do what I know it is that I need to do
I can't keep sticking
To the hand-me-down life I'm living
Because when there's nothing exposed
There's also no room for growth
I'm not gonna live forever, no I'm not gonna live forever
It's time to step out of this safe place
To doff this self-imposed straitjacket
It's time to move my hands from protecting my face
It's time to do what I know it is that I need to do
Because the world will keep on turning
Without anything from me
But there's a way that's uniquely mine
That I could make the world a little warmer
Make them smile and hold on a little longer
Conquer the world in my own small way
I'm sorry to anyone I might disappoint, but it is time
To do what I know it is that I need to do
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11. |
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Sitting in my bedroom alone, I came upon a dream
But since we're all afraid of the unknown, it hid itself from me
And so we suffer till we learn no one can do it for us
Fulfillment is something that we earn, and what would it be if not tough
Back when this started I was so afraid, so afraid of what they'd say
But as time has worn on I've gotten so brave, and I'm getting braver every day
One day the revelation came: what do we become if we don't try?
With nothing to lose, everything to gain, take your chance before it passes by
You do it every day until it sticks, this is the path we've gotta choose
Give it everything you have to give, it's the only thing there really is to do
So I'll write these songs, give them some wings
And send em out into the world
I'll keep my pace and see what it brings
What I'm doing today is just the start
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12. |
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'Cause there's you, my God
The single coolest person who ever lived
Your step is light, but so sure
To walk next to you, what I wouldn't give
But you never, ever seem to get it wrong
And I feel stupid when I'm with you
Forget about the fun when I go out
All I want is just to hold it together
But all is lost when there's you again
It kills me that you're this cool
And you'll never ever want to really know me
'Cause there's me, my God
One single anticlimax from a world record
I never know how to be, I don't feel good enough when I'm at my best
I almost see us as two shades of the same color
Except I'm dead grass green and you're lush
I mean I never ever thought that I was perfect
But I figured you're just human just like me
But look at me, a frumpy mess in this group of beauties
And your laughter cuts through me like a knife does soft cheese
And I'll never be anyone but me
Why would I want to walk on eggshells anyway?
Let this love go 'cause it's clearly misplaced
To dust myself off from one more time I got it wrong
'Cause the next time... I might not
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13. |
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To be completely honest
Growing up I never said what I thought
I was so shy it was painful to watch
Most of the kids thought that I was a freak
Well they so rarely heard me speak
They couldn't learn anything about me
I didn't always want to spend all my time alone
But I knew that one wrong word and my chances would be blown
I just want to be completely honest
But I'm afraid that's not what they want
I never know if I should compress it inside till my skull gives way
Or just word vomit the things no one wanted me to say
I have no in-between
And to be completely honest
These days I've moved to the other side
Ever since I learned not to be quiet all the time
Excitement is the feeling that I actually really dread
'Cause I'll say exactly how I feel like I'm out of my head
And can't undo some of the reckless things I've said
I just want to say all the right things and never the wrong ones
But it's so hard to stop them once the words have reached my tongue
But still with you I've kept it clean
And I've never said quite what I mean
And I just want to let you know right now
That any time I'm saying things I shouldn't say out loud
You know that I'm just trying to be completely honest
The only type of perfection that I'd ever aspire to
And so I may as well say fuck off to everyone who's made it worse
And give my thanks and love to those who were there from the first
And admit that I can't say what I want or what I might do
But oh you, I want you I want you I want you I want you
And that I don't even mind about the mess, I'd give anything
For all these romantic notions in my mind
It probably wouldn't work out that way, it never ever does
But why should we not at least give it a shot?
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14. |
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Well in my family I've long been the black sheep
Because I'm not much like young women that are on mainstream TV
They want me to wear crap outfits that hurt my spleen and toes
And base all my opinions on those who claim they're in the know
They think that I should squash my impulse...
To be weird, to be true
To do the things that I feel like I want to do
To be different, to be free
To be the only person who I want to be: to be me
But your cool kid nonconformist family's not a substitute
You dictate the right unorthodox, there's no room for dispute
But I was dressing for my comfort, not for acceptance, that's the point
And when you trade your reason for their dogma I don't want to join
Hey you're still not giving me that freedom...
To be weird, to be true
To do the things that I feel like I want to do
To be different, to be free
To be the only person who I want to be: to be me
But I'm happy right here all on my own
And so I'm gonna do it anyway.
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15. |
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I don't want to be creepy
But we were meant to be, we were meant to be
I feel like I've got X-ray vision
Am I the only one to see?
Excuse me, I've misplaced something
And it's under your skin, it's under your skin
And I know that this is quite an inconvenient location
But I need to get in, I need to get in
And I've got to be honest
Most people are wrong, most people are wrong
You're the only one who makes sense when you speak
And I wouldn't care if the rest of them were gone
Excuse me, I've misplaced something
And it's inside your skull, inside your skull
In a beautiful original and sensible mind
I'm completely helpless to its pull
Excuse me, I've misplaced something
And it's in your fist, it's in your fist
No matter what I do, I can't get through to you
But why won't you see that we both need this
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16. |
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I know that we are strangers
But I'd like to ask you what you see in the stars
And have you tell me all your dreams
Because all I'm ever wanting is that sense of connection
Of this is what living really means
I know that we are strangers
But I'd like to invite you to share and create
And see what our teamwork can produce
Because all I'm ever wanting is some unfading gem
For remembering some mutual truth
I know that we are strangers
But I'd like it if you held me in an awkward or an easy embrace
All I want is to be certain I was right about this place...
A vision of utopia on earth in my head
That can't be identified through sight
You and I will test how accurate it is on the first stranger that we see tonight
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17. |
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As a young man your eyes were bright
Your dreams, they kept you up all night
Working for success that you deserved
Soon everyone would sing the words
But soon your placeholder job became too good to quit
And quietly your weekly practice hours began to dip
And you didn't drown, you just never made it
Things stayed the same when they probably should have changed
You get stuck in these routines
And just like that, they swallow up your dreams
'Cause it was that gleam that got me hooked
Your future seemed so bright like a highly acclaimed book
I'd stand at your side and we'd conquer it all
The promises you made, they made me fall
But these unfulfilling lives start to wear down our hearts
Sometimes it ends your happiness before it even starts
And we didn't drown, we just never made it
Things stay the same when they probably should have changed
You get stuck in these routines and just like that they swallowed up your dreams
You say you don't know what to do
But if you want to be better you have to be brave
If I put up with this I'm a coward too
For me the stuff of dreams is still worth it to save
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18. |
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It took so many hours to finish this song
Maybe one was spent on a bench in a park
Maybe another hunched over a notebook on my bed
And countless more struggling hard with my guitar
But it's all worth it
You can't imagine how it feels when I play music
And this is mine, it came from my heart
When you love something, you know
'Cause you'd do anything to feel that flow
And if it takes 10 hours to have anything to show
Then that's okay 'cause time's never slow
Doing what you love
To date this has been my most consistent skill
Is I could nail a paper in 10 minutes flat
And on my tombstone you could accurately say
She got straight As and she taught us random facts
But that means nothing
I mean it's obvious to me, you just have to trust things
It's what you love, not what comes easy
Because the one thing uniting everyone I find impressive or cool
Is a musical talent above everybody else in the room
Because all I say feels incomplete when said in simple non-musical words
And whenever I have an emotion to express, I always think of music first
Whether I wrote it or not, when sound properties combine to get it right
It sickens with an aching satisfaction like I've never felt in my life
So I'm making a promise to myself
In front of all these witness
That for as long as I live, I can never forget this feeling.
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19. |
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Sometimes I think I've got it all figured out
Just following my fifty point plan
As I've gone through my life I've learned to wash down my doubts
With a faith that's just becoming who I am
But on days like today, it gets harder to stay
And I fake it just to look okay
But I'm gonna tell myself, I'm gonna tell myself again
That these feelings aren't wrong, but they're surely not right
And this too shall pass
It comes when it wants and it feels like I can't stop
These roller coaster hills we ride alone
Sometimes it's exciting, till you're at the bottom of the drop
But frankly it's best when it's all unknown
But I find my way every time, climb back up toward the sky
The worst is over, and everything feels right
This too shall pass
When I'm feeling as if nobody cares
When I wonder what I'm even doing here
I push through, continue on
I act it even if I don't feel strong
And somehow it's always worked out.
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20. |
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You know, I wear jeans in the summer heat because I'm afraid to show my skin
I'm so busy hiding my imperfections and wishing I were supermodel thin
Sometimes when I go outside and a stranger gives me a smile
I have to look down because I'm uncomfortable with mine
And no matter how hard I try my hair is always a mess
Nor am I too happy with my face, or any part of me, I guess
And life is perfect and I can't enjoy it
I know the city in my backyard's a great one but for me it'll never suffice
It's got everything most could want, but lacks something in my eyes
No, I like to visit cities far across the sea
Convince myself that they feel more like home to me
I waste time being frustrated for being on the wrong side of the pond
And when I finally focus my vision on the here and now again it's gone
And life is perfect and I can't enjoy it
You know, I wait for truth to strike like lightning
Though I realize it can't exist that way
I know I just have to grab at what I want
While trying to act decent both good and bad days
And I know that the freedom I have is enough at least in a practical sense
Not living in a fascist state or some impoverished tenement
I mean, there isn't really much in this world I absolutely could not do
If with all my energies and efforts I proved I really wanted to
And life is perfect and I can't enjoy it
But if you were here
I could put this all behind me, throw all these yearnings away
Any circumstance or place would do as long as I had you
I could find the magic in plain old reality
Feel so beautiful and walk so tall
I could focus on my worthier dreams, which I'd be able to clearly see
If you were here... if you were real
But I guess if I'm all I have in my life
For at least a little while
It's never that hard to find things that make me smile.
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21. |
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The moment has come, I've lived a long life
But everything comes to an end
When I look back I feel wonderful about the message my life will send
I lived my life my own way, no matter how many times I changed my mind
I expected fulfillment at every corner
Though it always seemed so hard to find
I followed every whim that came
Did what I thought right, ignored the wrong
I wasn't always happy but I never settled
And I never stopped feeling strong
Because I know I always lived honestly
And fearlessly the best that I could
I ran after my dreams till long after my heart said stop at breakneck speed
I did what I felt like, I never did what anybody told me that I should
Things got messed up
I couldn't always get the simple things I need
But I know I lived with my entire soul
I gave it everything I had in me to give
At times I've wondered, what's the point?
But this feeling of contentment is it
No, I never found my soul mate, though I tried like hell
I loved with all my heart
Had some good flings, fell in love when it was right
But when it wasn't never fell apart
It was through no fault of mine in any logical way
That I came to grow old alone
I was warm and inviting, baked desserts and held them close
But never seemed to make a home
And I made my peace - it's not easy to keep up
With a life that's different every day
I doubt he exists, because I never found
That single person who would just get it and stay
I'm sorry but when I look around I have to feel proud
How many can really say with such unflinching honesty
That they never once faltered despite any inconvenience?
You don't meet many old folks who don't say these things
But you can still see here the bruises from the punches that I rolled with
And the holes in my heart
From those who abandoned me when they disagreed
And nothing's ever made me feel luckier
Than to get to take these to my grave
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22. |
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14 months ago I was hopeless at this
I was lacking experience and all I had was love
So I learned to be a doer and I learned to take risks
And I can't say at times it didn't get pretty rough
You can count on imperfections, but that's all right
'Cause I'm achieving things and I feel great tonight
Doing the throwaway song of the week
Sometimes I think about how much I'll miss it someday
Once people are listening and put money on the line
Oh, to go back to those days when nobody cared what I had to say
And I could put out awful songs and everything was fine
So if you've got some art in you that you've been struggling to just let flow
Then take a leaf out of my book and just step on the gas and go
And I'll sign up for your year of throwaway whatever it may be
And then the last one can be about the project
And it will seem super cheap.
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23. |
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I looked up, saw two birds soaring high above the rest
How much did they make me want to fly?
But though I flap my arms until I take my last breath
I'll still be grounded on that day that I die
I will never do what they can do
I'll never take to the air
I know it and they know it too
And life makes sense; is it unfair?
Some things you're not meant to be a part of
But think of everything you can be
Think how much you can be the start of
And if not the world will never see
Sat on a bench and watched the birds go
Just going about one normal day
I feel drawn in, move to them steady and slow
But when I get close they go away
Why do they flee when I come near?
Why does it make me feel so alone?
What is it in me they should fear?
Why must I remain their unknown?
Looking up too long at the sky life started to pass me by
Do I want to grow old this way, eager for some impossible day?
Or should I seek my own version of flying, the thing that takes my mind off of dying?
I'm not a bird, I am not the sky, I'm not so beautiful, I can't fly
But I'll give it time, there's something great in me too
We all have a place, something we're called on to do
Don't know mine yet but I'll continue the search
Turn my back on these birds now, they can peacefully perch
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24. |
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Born alone and free
Just like a dog no one's chained to a tree
All sad eyes and no one to love
Where there was no one to charge or judge
I was locked up in this place you all hated
Carried your baggage everywhere you asked me to go
Felt warm and secure and suffocated
And do I have anything, anything to show?
I fell back on myself today because no one else was there
And I hear the half-hearted cliches you say
But I know you don't really care
Why did I ever play this game? What did I think that I could gain?
I want to go where nobody knows my name
What more could I hope to obtain?
And I would like to start anew, making footsteps on fresh white snow
Doing all the things you never thought I could do
But how could you really ever know?
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25. |
Asbury Park (2014 Demo)
02:15
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I first wrote down uncertainty because that's the only thing I feel
For my future home, my future gig and for the heart I may someday steal
I can see the options swirling in the salty mirrored sun
But it could take years or decades till I find the right ones
But everything I meet here in this city by the sea
In spite of all that goes down still makes my heart believe
Reminding me that life's a game I really want to play
I traced my problems in the sand - the sea washed them away
I wrote down unmarketable because I spent a year sorting out beads
And it wasn't painless and the pay was shit
And you can bet there were no full-time leads
I can hear her whisper saying that it's not much longer now
But I sometimes feel cemented when my feet are on the ground
I wrote down wanting what I can't have because that's what I really do
I've got this lust to wander and I've got this lust for you
But the ocean reminds me how much is really out there
I have time and heart and options, not a thing is unfair
As the sand goes blank again, my loaded words erased
She wraps me in her arms again and tells me that I am safe.
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26. |
Myself (2014 Demo)
01:51
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I tell myself a story of a day in the life
Slipping out of bed and saying to the mirror
"Hey, today is gonna be a great day"
As I look at all the streets and trees I smile to myself and say
"Hey, isn't this beautiful?"
I ask myself unanswered questions of the day
And reply with my latest answers
Back and forth in an interview style
So honored to be talking to someone so wise
And so proud to be sought out
Then after I talk to you I tell myself
"Hey, you did OK"
Then I perform a skit for myself with all the new lines for next time
Knowing my mouth couldn't form those words in front of you
Crawling into bed I sing myself a beautiful lullaby
And wonder if out there somewhere someone knows
Exactly how I'm feeling right now
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Amanda Rose Riley Lincoln Park, New Jersey
Quirky, punk & pop-influenced acoustic singer-songwriter. Equal parts dreamer and doer.
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